Raising Davis: Do we overpraise our children?

Davis often asks if he is the best soccer player on his team. We point out the things that he does really well and also his teammates’ strengths. We wrap it up by saying that he may not be the best yet, but he is good and getting better every week.

He is really good at chess, though. So good, in fact, that despite trying my best, he beats me most of the time! The more often we play, the harder I have to concentrate to pull off a win. So when I do win, I break into a happy dance because I had to work for it. I also think it is good for Davis to lose once in a while. As much as we gloat if we win, we also are graceful losers.

I don’t believe in the “let the kids win because it’s good for their self-esteem” philosophy. I have been winning my share of x’s and o’s, Snakes and Ladders and Crazy Eights since Davis was about three.

Davis is okay with honesty and in fact he would see through any false flattery or my throwing a game to let him win. At the same time, he is sensitive and sometimes needs reassurance. When this happens, I love to tell him how wonderful he is and remind him of all of his strengths.

It’s a struggle, and I question whether I’m hitting the right balance. I know that I don’t dote as much as other mothers and that I give Davis a lot of independence for his age. I am aware that I am not as intertwined in all of his activities as some of his friends’ moms. He asked me the other day why I never volunteer at his school. I explained the responsibilities of a working mom and that I can’t be there in the middle of a work day. I pointed out the benefits of him having a mom who does something away from home so that I have experiences at work that he and I can share at the end of the day. He thought that was pretty cool.

I think he’s pretty cool, too, and I tell him all the time. There’s no danger of him hearing that too much.

To read more of Meghan’s Mommy Diaries, visit raisingdavis.com or follow her on Twitter @raisingdavis.

Meghan Bradley is a full-time sales rep and mother of Davis, 6, and stepmother to Madison and MacKenzy, 15.

Originally published in ParentsCanada, July 2012