Staying connected to your spouse after baby is born

By ParentsCanada Readers on April 17, 2013

Staying romantically connected to your partner after children are born can be tough. So for our May/June issue we asked our readers: how did you bridge the transition from being a couple to being parents?

A few lucky winners won a copy of Sara Dimerman’s new book How Can I Be Your Lover When I’m Too Busy Being Your Mother and a copy of This Is 40 on DVD/Blu-Ray combo pack.

Here's what they had to say:

Honestly.... we made time for sex. We may not have always felt sexy but often watching a movie together holding hands, turned into making-out like teenagers...etc. Don't get so wrapped up in everything else that sex gets put on the back burner. It is after all how you became parents ;) – Kimberly D.

Have date night at least once a week and allow the grandparents to come over to babysit. That way you get your date night and the grandparents gets to bond with the grandchild. – Jeannie L.

Each month, my husband and I draw a paper out of a hat which lets us know what our date night will entail (we had 12 papers with date night ideas made up right after baby was born). – Nicole F.

We didn't do anything, things are just so different and have changed a lot. We are just too tired to find time and energy for each other, we invest too much in our children, maybe when they grow up it'll be different...for now we are just trying to survive! – Francesca G.

It wasn't easy... But we always reserve evenings after our son is in bed to spend time for each other: board game, movies, a bath, massages, etc. But just because we've been together for a long time doesn't mean we're beyond trouble. Creating romance is essential! – Luciana K.

We always made time to be together even if it was just a walk with the children in a stroller. – Iris N.

We made sure to still spend time together. Occasional date nights, movie at home when the kids are in bed - just because you are parents does not mean you need to lose yourselves! – Bree J.

I've been with my boyfriend now for almost 6 years. We have two kids together, a four year old boy and a nine month old girl. Believe it or not we do have sex every night before bed. It's very important for us to still be intimate with each other and foreplay helps a lot. You can't let being too tired stop you from enjoying each other. Sometimes you may not be in the mood but you have to remember It's not just all about you it's about him too so be generous. If your a parent who has the baby sleeping in the bed with you try to get your baby to sleep by herself or himself at least long enough to get the job done or move to the couch if the baby won't sleep outside of the bed. You'll be a happier couple. – Jessica J.

Actually scheduling "Mommy & Daddy time" or Date nights. We also did a lot (and still do) of a date nights in -- we get a nice carry out either when the kids are sleeping early or they are having their own movie night. (So they are having fun and we get some us time too). – Jennifer W.

Didn't. He left me on my own to take care of the kids. – Cecilia C.

We are still adjusting to our new life as parents. What has helped us so far is remembering to communicate with each other. It is important for us to parent our baby as a team, so talking has helped a lot. We also have to realize that this is new for both of us, so sometimes things will not be easy, and that's okay. My husband and I still try to snuggle on the couch, only now there is a little baby snuggled in with us. Having a baby has helped us become a family, and we love it. – Monique S.

We have a date night, and the grandparents take the kids overnight for a sleep over. – Ruth Anne B.

Stay friends. – Wayne W.

just making even a few moments a day to hug or cuddle and take time together, now at almost 1 she sees us hugging and screams, like baby alarm as we laugh and include her in the hug. – Ameirah T.

We took a marriage course - 8 weeks long - they served as dinner, and we watched videos and talked about common relationship topics. It forced us to be together for a few hours each week without the kids, and helped us to reconnect. – Marion K.

With lots of family help because we have twins with disabilities. – Dea C.

Always make sure to acknowledge your partner as your #1 and the parenting stuff is so much easier as a team. – Min Ming H.

My boyfriend and I thought of the baby as something to bring us closer and worked around any romantic trauma. – Myranda N.

After my husband and I had our second child we got caught up in trying to be the best parents! We lost each other in our children and we were struggling to keep our romance alive. As our children have grown we have learned little ways to show each other we care by planning family dates to the skating rink where our children can go off and we can hold hand and act mushy. We say I love you everyday and take time for a 2 minute conversation even if we only have 10 minutes to get out the door! I think by far though, the best way we have kept the romance alive is that we take 2 vacations a year 1 with our children and 1 without, we don't have to go far but by taking those few days alone without any distraction we not only refresh ourselves but our marriage too! – Mackenzie A.

Just stay loving each other and taking time out to spend together. – Kaitlan Y.

Always taking time in a day to reconnect and take time for one another. – Jamie B.


April 17, 2013

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