Help your preschooler deal with nightmares

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In several attempts to rescue her three-year-old daughter from bad
dreams, Maggie Lamothe Fennessy has sprinkled magic dust in the bedroom
(also known as glitter) and surrounded her little gal with 23 stuffed
animals including a rabbit named Foofy. Maggie’s soothing nighttime
ritual includes bathing Rebecca Lynne, massaging her with lotion,
reading books and the occasional ocean wave CD. But the Toronto resident
also has three-month-old twins to manage and exhaustion is winning out.

out there may be another way to combat the nightmares that wake up
children like Rebecca Lynne: re-script their dreams. Think of it as
Inception for Preschoolers, (sorry mom, Leonardo DiCaprio not included)
where you plant good ideas and images in youngsters’ minds to blanket
their dreams. If your daughter awakes from a nightmare about a
14-eyed-monster calm her down first. And then “reframe the dream,” says
Wendy Hall, a professor in the School of Nursing in the Faculty of
Applied Science at the University of British Columbia. “Rethink and
transform the dream so that it is a more positive and less threatening

Teach your child that she controls who and what gets
to be in her dreams. Be specific. Talk about colours, textures, smells
and sounds. “You can write things into the script – that they have a
magic wand or a force field they put up in the dream,” Wendy says. “They
can have things under their control that they introduce to stop
whatever they don’t want to happen.” If your daughter dreams of spiders,
Wendy says, then talk about a book like Charlotte’s Web where the spider is friendly and useful.

anxious child is more likely to have anxiety-provoking dreams, says
Penny Corkum, an Associate Professor of Psychology at Dalhousie
University, so strive to reduce stress prior to going to sleep. Try
guided visual imaging to help your little one imagine a tranquil
environment. “You want your child to return to that relaxed place in
their mind and to calm their central nervous system,” she says. The
imaging technique along with an evening routine of no TV, relaxing
activities as bedtime approaches and dimmed lights can be effective.

four-year-old son has had nightmares since Halloween. So I asked him
one night, what makes him happy. His response? Spiderman and Disneyland.
As he snuggled up to a blue blankie he got on his first birthday, we
talked about how he might dream about going on the Dumbo ride at
Disneyland with Spidey. They’d drink pineapple floats, eat churros and
watch the fireworks. The next morning, my son’s voice soared as he told
me he’d been on the Peter Pan ride with Spiderman. The best part? I was
there, too. The second morning he recalled going to the beach with
Spiderman. The third morning he told me he’d dreamed of playing in my
parents’ backyard. They live almost 5,000 kilometres away.

thrilled my lad is sleeping through the night and waking up chirpy, but
experts advise against asking about nightmares over breakfast unless
your little one wants to talk about it. UBC’s Wendy Hall says, “You
don’t want to make the dream such a focal point that the child starts
doing it just to get attention.” Point taken.

You can talk about
it at 2 a.m., though, if your son or daughter just sprinted to your
bedroom fearing a vampire. (If he looks like Robert Pattinson, text me.)
Avoid the lights – so the kids don’t wake up fully – then reassure

With practice, your children won’t need Mr. Sandman to bring them a dream; they’ll relax and drift off on their own.

What might be causing nightmares?

dream re-scripting doesn’t help your child’s nightmares, sleep expert
Dr. Shelly Weiss, says to look at other possible causes:

  • Anxiety or bullying at school or daycare.
  • Exposure to stresses such as marital conflict
  • Exposure
    to too much violence on TV. if an older sibling is telling them
    terrible stories. Talk to your child, your child’s daycare provider,
    teacher or pediatrician to further investigate.

Originally published in ParentsCanada, May/June 2012

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