Lunch Lady: How to Cook a Turkey

“Well, first you put some marshmallows and toast and carrots inside the turkey, which is the stuffing and it’s kind of gooey. Then you tie it up with ropes because it might run away because it doesn’t want to be cooked. Then you put it in the oven at 500 degrees for a long time – like three days – and it smells kind of stinky ‘cause I like spaghetti better. Then you eat it with pie and cookies and cake.” EMMA C., 5

“You put lemons and apples in the turkey first. I eat the apples but not the lemons, they’re gooshy and squishy. Then you put it in the cooking oven and when it beeps you get it out and then break off the leg and eat it!” ANDREI C., 4

“This is the best thing EVER to be talking about turkeys! I put the turkey in the stove and cook it for about six minutes and then I put sauce on it that’s made of applesauce. Or ketchup. Or hot sauce or barbeque sauce. Then it looks like a turkey. And the stuffing stuff is made out of butter. That’s yummy!” ANJALI G., 5

“When it’s Christmas you have to cook it in the oven before Father Christmas gets there. One time it wasn’t ready and we had to have soup while it was cooking. I hate stuffing. And I hate mashed potatoes. And I hate gravy too.” AMY B., 4

“I think you put it in a big pot and boil it – but not too long. A week is too long. Maybe you should boil it for one minute. Then when it’s done you eat it with mashed potatoes. You can put that green stuff on the mashed potatoes for a decoration. I really, really like it! I can’t even taste it.” LEXIE M., 5

“You need to put it on the barbeque at my Grandma’s house! My Grandma always cooks barbequed things. Like lasagna. You can cook it 20 or 10 minutes ‘cause then you’re hungry and you want to eat it.” ROWAN R., 6

“When I get up on Christmas I want to open all my presents but my mom makes me wait and wait ‘cause she has to put the turkey in the oven first ‘cause everyone’s coming over for turkey lunch and it won’t be done in time or else. I hate waiting for that dumb turkey!” STASIA L., 5

“I put the turkey in the microwave. But a really big one. Then you press the buttons and it goes beep beep beep and it’s done! There’s fruits and vegetables and spices inside too!” NASYA W., 5

“I think I want to cook Mr. Turkey Bird with all his feathers on! Turkeys look really funny when they’re just all white and bumpy. But they’re nice when they’re feathery. Maybe you can cook it in a fire but you can’t burn it! Like when you do marshmallows on sticks, but you need a really big stick then, like a hockey stick.” TAYLOR J., 6

I might skip the over-the-top articles on how to make my turkey fabulous this year. But I’ll also never eat a turkey cooked by a kindergartner.

ParentsCanada would like to welcome our “Lunch Lady” Jane Froese. Each issue we’ll send her out to discover what’s on kids’ minds. Hold on tight, it’s going to be a bumpy (but entertaining) ride!